I didn't forget you!

Today I’m posting my blog on an unusual day, after missing 2 deadlines… but I can explain. The past week and a half have been a rollercoaster of emotions and I wasn’t ready to write a blog about that, or anything else. It started the last days when I was still in Toulouse, I got the news that my grandmother wasn’t doing very well and would probably pass away soon. This was difficult news to deal with, especially away from my family and in a different country. I still had 1 day of skiing, but my mind was rather pre-occupied. Still I tried to make the most out of it and I managed to ski good. Since there was nothing I could do being in France, my coping mechanism was distraction until I got home. When I got to the airport on Sunday, I was told that if I wanted to see her,  I would have to go straight to her, because it was clear then that soon became really soon. This was the first of many difficult decisions that would have to be made. I could go and see her, but she wouldn’t notice and I would have an image of her dying rather than the happy, joking and loving woman I remember her to be. I decided to go home and cherish the memories I have of her. At this point I wanted to write a short blog to still be able to post an explanation of my situation, but I couldn’t get anything on paper. Monday morning I got the news that she had passed away that night. Again I could go see her to say goodbye, but I still didn’t want to have any other memory of her than the ones I have from when she was still alive. Then there was another issue, there was a training planned with the national team Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday; should I go or should I stay with my family. I decided to go to have some distraction and train in order to be able to dedicate this weekend’s competition to her. My coach from Toulouse, Vincent Soubiron, also wisely said, I don’t have to be with her to think about her and mourn her loss. This happens in the heart with love and thoughts with your soul. I strongly agree with this and I think my grandma would be happy to see me continue to follow my dream. She always was so proud of what I was doing.

Not quite there yet

The training was hard because my body was still exhausted from the 5 weeks of intense training and on top of that my mind was exhausted from the rollercoaster of emotions. All of this got me physically ill; I got the flu. I tried to train as much as I could on Tuesday and Wednesday and tried to (and did) enjoy the company of the close team that we have in teamNL. I still learned a lot in the training and to have some fun I tried to learn a completely new trick, a wake line back in toehold. Here you have to jump over the line with your ski. I came pretty close in two days, thanks to the great coaching of Coyotte Saintviteux. On Thursday I had to leave the training because this was the day of the cremation. This was beautiful and definitely a worthy farewell. Thursday night I met with a part of the team again to go to France for a competition. This was a weird transition, but another decision I had made and in the end, I’m very happy with this one.

The competition was hard to ski after a physically and mentally exhausting period. Due to the combination of being sick, losing my grandma, intense training and lack of sleep, it was hard to focus and feel fit enough to ski a good competition. With my trainer I decided to ski this competition for my grandma and dedicate my results to her. This was very motivating and even though ideally I needed some time to regain strength, I used the last ounces of strength I could find in my body to ski good results. It helped that I was surrounded by the Dutch team and other close friends I have in waterskiing who took good care of me this weekend, for which I'm very thankful. In the end I skied a great trick run, in which I didn't fall because my runs became very stable in the last 2 weeks of training. However, it was a bit too slow, so 3 tricks were not within the 20 seconds, this cost me 460 points, leaving me with a final score of 2560 instead of the 3080 that I wanted! When I tried to do the second round faster, I went too fast and fell early in my hands run. I will hopefully ski more points at the national championships coming Sunday, though I must not forget that this is a 700 point improvement compared to my best score last year. In jump I thought I was comfortable enough to hit the ramp in the competition without training, because I had done so much training in the weeks before. In the first round of 3 jumps however I noticed that it was slightly different to jump in a different place and that I should have done some practise to be more comfortable and thus more confident to ‘attack’ the ramp and jump further. I fell my first 2 jumps, but the jump after was 21 meters, which is 3 meters more than last year, even though it didn’t feel at all as good as in training. This means there is a lot of potential to be jumping further this year. In slalom I didn’t ski as good as I wanted to, but I skied close to my best last year, which is still good for a first competition. I hope to ski a new PB at nationals, but in the teamNL training, which is on the same lake, I noticed that the water was difficult for slalom. For now I have to force myself to take a break from skiing until Thursday or Friday to give my body some time to recover.

I want to end the blog with the news that I have been officially entered in the European and African under 21 championships that will be in Nway, 21^st-24^th of July. I will be skiing three events for the first time, which is really exciting.

I’m sorry for not posting 2 times in a row, but I didn’t forget you! Coming Sunday I will post about how I skied at nationals, so stay tuned!